Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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