That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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