Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
