i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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