I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
