Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
