Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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