Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
