I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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