i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
