If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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