i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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