Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
