Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
