I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
