Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
