i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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