Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
