Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
