the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
