Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
