"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
