I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
