just survived the first fart of the relationship.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
