and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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