Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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