I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
