He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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