She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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