I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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