Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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