If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
