My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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