wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
