if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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