So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
