Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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