SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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