Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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