Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
