I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
