his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
