i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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