Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
