Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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