Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Randomize
