She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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