Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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