His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize
