When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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