i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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