is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
